Flood Watch: Christmas Wish List

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I’m a senior in college, but it seems being a 16th grader is still young enough to warrant the question, “What’s on your Christmas list this year?” Well, which do you want? My actual list of wants and needs, comprised of tuition reimbursement packages, automotive repair cost waivers, health, vision and dental benefits, a 401k and an employment offer?

Or do you want the Christmas list we all know I’ll end up giving you, including money, golf balls, basketball shoe court grip, a phone-to-radio transmitter for the car, some clothes and socks and undies?

Regardless, I’m going to write you all a third and alternative Christmas list. This just so happens to be a list of all the sports wishes I’m wishing for this holiday season.

First item on my sports Christmas list is simple: Tiger Woods winning a major. In fact, it’s something I’ve gotten 14 times before, so it really shouldn’t be something that’s too hard to get again. With Tiger Woods back, healthy and scoring well, this just might be something Santa can bring me sometime in the near future. After all, I’ve been really nice this year, and that other guy, Jack, got 18 majors, so it’s not really fair to not let Tiger have as many, right?

The second item on my list is a national championship. Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking: “Jeremy, I know you’re good enough in just about any sport to play competitively at the collegiate level and that you just chose not to, but how are you going to win a national championship?” My answer: you are absolutely correct, I just wanted to give others a chance to play in college and not hog all the playing time and scholarship money, and I’m not going to be the one winning the national championship. Who is, then, you might ask? Michigan State basketball.

With Duke and Kansas both losing recently, MSU is at the top. Granted, the past couple years haven’t necessarily been the best for the Spartans in the Big Dance, but they also haven’t been this good.

Plus, that guy on the sideline tearing out his hair at every MSU turnover? He’s one of the best coaches in all the land, and you better believe that if anyone can lead the Sparties to the championship game, it’s Tom Izzo.

The next item of my sports Christmas list is a remastered version of the “Backyard Sports” series that is playable on modern computers. I mean, come on, a year ago, “Modern Warfare” was remastered for Xbox One, but we can’t get our boy Pablo “The Secret Weapon” Sanchez back for Windows 10? Even Kenny Kawaguchi would say that’s weak, and he’s at least the third nicest kid I’ve ever played as in virtual sports.

Next on my list is something that I’ve wanted for a while now: for Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook to be friends again. Sure, KD and Russ had that magical moment in the last All-Star game that ended in a nasty alley-oop, but they just simply aren’t anything like they used to be. And they used to be awesome to watch. Now, I know we’re probably never going to see them play on the same team again, but just for the sake of my soul and their’s, how about we buddy up again?

The fifth item on my list is a time machine. You might ask “What does a time machine have to do with sports?” Let me tell you. Back in eighth grade football, me and one of my buddies were on the kick return team, and my coach called for a reverse kick return. Sneaky, right? The kick went to my buddy, and so, going along with the plan, he pitched it to me for the reverse.

Well, it just so happens that about five fully developed, six-and-a-half feet tall, no-longer-adolescent man-children from the kicking team were trailing my buddy, all of whom found a different part of my body to pummel. The time machine? Well, let’s just say that if I went back, I wouldn’t be looking for that reverse kick return.

So wrap them up, put a bow on top and stick them under the tree for me to get to Christmas morning. I know the time machine is a stretch, but who knows, it might be invented someday.

I mean, it’s not like I’m asking for the impossible, like the ability to fly or for the Lions to win a playoff game or anything.

Here’s my best wishes for you to get whatever it is you have on your sports Christmas list, and cheers to the holiday season.

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