I rarely trust others to lead group projects. I’m great at giving “constructive criticism.” I hate not knowing something. I’ve mastered silently judging others. Though I don’t think my expectations are impossible, no one ever seems to meet them.
Simply put, I’m a control freak.
I’ve become increasingly aware of how my need to control hurts those around me, and I’ve tried to rein it in for their sakes. Essentially, I’m working on controlling my need to control.
I did not realize until now how much my need to control hurt myself. I’ve known being in control relieves my stress, while lacking control causes me stress. Since it is impossible to control everything, though, my future has become cause for constant anxiety.
Over winter break, I came up with a four-year plan for myself, focusing on internship, work, travel and education plans.
Though turning a chaotic list of options into an ordered schedule initially eased my insecurity, I began to worry about the details. What if the internship I wanted wasn’t offered at that time? What if I didn’t land the job I wanted? What if I couldn’t afford to travel?
As author Kahlil Gibron said, “Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”
Planning my future was difficult for me because of all the uncertainties. No matter how hard I try, I can’t control everything.
This is not to say that we should not draw plans for our futures. Though plans are bound to change over time, they give us goals and steps to reach them.
Instead of stressing out about our lack of control, we should recognize the unpredictable nature of our futures. More than that, we should embrace these changes. They may throw a hitch in our plans, but the unforeseen circumstances don’t just direct our future; they help shape our personalities.
Only we can control how we respond to obstacles. Do we crawl under them? Jump over them? Walk through them? Or do we head in a different direction altogether?
The choices we make when something unexpected occurs define us even more than the goals we work towards.
When Martin Luther King, Jr. was thrown in jail, for example, several clergy members wrote that his plan for direct action against racial inequality was unwise. Rather than complain about his imprisonment or rant against the clergymen, King responded respectfully in his effective “Letter from the Birmingham Jail.”
King’s calm reaction to a bad situation makes him more respectable than those who wrote against him. His response defines him better than his cause.
The year ahead is impossible to know. Though 2015 may throw obstacles our way, we should learn to respond to them as gracefully as King.
As I’ve come to recognize how limited my control is and how stressing those limits are, I’ve realized just how important it is for me to surrender. I know I can’t play the role of a god, controlling what obstacles come and go in my life. Why should I continue to stress about it?
This year, I’ve decided to focus on surrendering control of my life so I can spend my energy controlling my reactions to what happens in it. Whenever I face an obstacle, I will try to move myself rather than move it.
How will you face the unexpected this year? If something gets in the way of your New Year’s resolution, how will you achieve it?
We cannot control what our year will look like, but we can concentrate on better responding to whatever 2015 throws at us.
