Pokémon franchise mysteries still Farfetch’d

With the recent hype about Pokémon and the newest Pokémon games,  “Pokémon X & Y,” I have had to seriously rethink some Poké-logistics.

Firstly, if a Poké Ball is roughly the size of an apple, how do all these little monsters fit inside? After all, a Gyarados is about the size of the Loch Ness monster. Is it magic? Is it some technological wonder? Is it like a genie lamp? All I can imagine is some Pikachu’s face squished against the inside walls of some Poké Ball. I believe we would call this “animal cruelty.”

I know I am already breaking the third wall here, but Pokémon are animals right? Trainers pet them, love them and train them. They are pets. The next thing you know, these trainers are sending their pets out to fight to the death with other trainers’ pets. I believe we would call this “cage fighting.”

Also, you really need to know about Pokémon evolutions. I remember as an early gamer, not knowing what the next evolution would look like was a fun game. It was great to be able to be surprised. Well, if Pokémon were real, you would need to watch out and be ready to “make room.” A Wailmer grows 15 times its size when it evolves into Wailord, which is a float whale Pokémon. I can see the headlines: “House destroyed through yet another Wailmer evolution.”

Diglett and its evolution, Dugtrio, have always interested me. Have you ever wanted to reach through the game and pull Diglett out of the ground to see what the rest of its body looked like? Does it have feet? Does it have massive claws used to burrow through the earth? Is it really a sandworm? Are we looking at another “Tremors” incident?

Another thing, for those who have watched the T.V. show, Pokémon trainers eat like normal people. They eat fish and steak, just like we do in the real world. Well, think about it, do you see “normal” animals in the Pokémon world? No, no you don’t, which means that fish filet they’re eating is really a Magicarp. Remember all those fishers on the docks fishing for Magicarp? I bet you thought they were fishing for them to raise and evolve. Well, a trainer’s got to eat. I feel bad for Miltank and Tepig.

Now back to the magic verses technology debate. You can make an argument that Pokémon trainers are actually wizards. After all, besides being able to shrink Pokémon into Poké Balls, what about their bags? You can go to a store and buy 99 Poké Balls and the bag size never changes. It reminds me of the bag that Hermione Granger carries in the Harry Potter series. It is like a black hole clutch.

I know this is all very confusing. But it’s also good that we can’t see Pokémon become “confused.” I think it would be rather depressing.  Think about what happens when Pokémon become confused — they lose hit points and attack themselves. I would hate to see my poor little pet beating itself up.

I know a lot of my observations here are rather ridiculous, but it is always interesting to think about the what-ifs. I love the Pokémon world and I don’t know any lover of the games who wouldn’t like to have real Pokémon.  I would so trade my best friend for a Pikachu.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 2nd, 2013 and is filed under Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

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